Dear friends, neighbors and colleagues,
We gather here today to remember the life of Zune,
A life that touched more people than you can count on one hand.
Zune’s journey was short by most measures.
It was lonely by all measures.
But no one will deny that Zune stood for something.
It dared to be different.
Zune proved that you don’t need legions of fans to feel like a success.
You can do just fine on annual cash infusions from a very rich dad.
Zune didn’t need a clever interface, a giant music store, or even a good review.
Zune was a rebel. The anti-Pod. Born on the wrong side of the bell curve.
If iPods were blue and green and pink, then by god — Zune would dare to be brown.
When iPod spoke in dollars, Zune would speak in Microsoft Points.
While iPods were solitary affairs, Zune once offered a neighborly “squirt.”
Thrown to the lions, Zune would grow up remarkably fast.
In fact, before it was even a year old, it was wheezing like an octogenarian.
No matter how badly Zune was humiliated in market share, Dad would always say, “we can beat them.”
Then, one day, even that bottomless wallet would run dry.
Despite his endlessly encouraging words, Dad was forced to pull the plug,
And Zune’s body was left to wither.
But now, before the last charge has even run out, we learn that the spirit of Zune may yet live —
In Windows Phones and tablets that we can only dream about today.
Yes, one day, when Microsoft is back on top,
When long lines of customers form around Microsoft Stores the world over,
The crowds clamoring for a taste of that Microsoft magic,
Someone, somewhere will conjure up a home screen,
Touch a button,
Zune will live to squirt again.