23
Aug 11

HP Personal Sys Grp 4 Sale: Call Léo

It’s those damn phone hackers again. This time they’re listening in on Léo Apotheker’s conversations at HP. I can’t condone the hackers’ methods, but I thought this transcript would be of interest to my readers.

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8.22.2011 | 9:48 am | HP | Apotheker Office Line 2

JACK
Hello, is this Léo?

LÉO
Yes, who is this please?

JACK
Hi Léo, my name is Jack.
I’m calling about the Personal Systems Group for sale?

LÉO
Yes, hello Jack. How can I help you?

JACK
Well, can you tell me a little more about it?

LÉO
Anything in particular?

JACK
Does it come with all the accessories? Like confusing
models and configurations, mediocre designers, invisible
profit margins, crapware and infuriating tech support?

LÉO
Yes, it comes with all the essentials.

JACK
And you’ve sold your soul to Intel and Microsoft?

LÉO
Correct, and those contracts will be included as well.
They’re fully transferable.

JACK
Perfect. Well look, I’m very interested.
Are you flexible on price?

LÉO
I’m sorry, no. It’s just supply and demand.
Right now, we’re the only PC group for sale —
at least until Michael Dell accepts reality.

JACK
Alright, but listen, I’m also interested in tablets
and smartphones. Anything like that available?

LÉO
I do have tablets and smartphones, but they’re not for sale.

JACK
Just my luck. I was bidding for Palm a year ago and
some ass swooped in and bid $1.2 billion for it.

LÉO
Uh … that was my company.

JACK
Oh god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you an ass.

LÉO
No prob, it wasn’t me. It was the guy who had my job before.

JACK
Okay, I get it. So you’re going to keep selling WebOS tablets
and smartphones then?

LÉO
Actually, not. We’re going to caravan out to the Palo Alto
landfill and dump all the code and unsold devices.

JACK
Wouldn’t it be easier just to sell it all to me?

LÉO
No, I need to prove that my predecessor wasted a billion dollars.
If I sell it to you, we wouldn’t lose nearly as much.

JACK
(Dramatic pause)
Ass.

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